i pretty much just want to die right now. i can't stand my living situation and every effort i make to alleviate the situation and seperate myself from it has ended up in a dead end. at this point in time, i feel like i'm being told that taking my own path isn't something that is meant to be and instead i need to just internally decompose more until i'm finally allowed the sanctity of my own personal freedom. i'm simply not living right now.
music: my bloody valentine - no more sorry
i feel like i keep awakening repeatedly and each time the world expands, like a dream turning itself inside out inside of a small matryoshka doll. and yet i still haven't really woken up yet.
i'm exhausted from sleeping and hiding, i'm ready to face things and move on.
music: felt - primitive painters
So, I was totally interviewed by King 5 news last night while walking down to vivace for some coffee from my apartment.
http://www.king5.com/video/index.html?n
Not only was i ridiculously stoned when i was being interviewed, but i barely had any idea what was going on at the time. OH GODDDD.
i just happened to meet one of the most magical people i have ever had the pleasure of acquainting myself with. her name is devora, and she walked onto the bus this morning, dressed elegantly in a large sun hat, zebra striped sunglasses, large sparkling earrings, and one of the brightest personalities i have ever encountered. she spoke to me about growing up, how she is a fashion designer, and was so radiant and inspiring that it was difficult for me to say goodbye. i am going to make a point to walk by the street she lives on when i can, in hopes that one day i can see her again. my whole day feels much brighter because of her.
Jul. 27th, 09:39a
(subject)
okay, so.... eating a pot cookie at 11pm last night sounded like a really good idea in theory, but i woke up this morning at 3am, baked out of my mind and unable to sleep because of it. so i somehow manage to make it to work with two hours of sleep and still really stoned out of my mind, and up until the very last minute i was debating just calling in and taking the bus back home. at the last minute, i changed my mind and decided i want to stay.
so needless to say, today has already proved to be a very strange day. i sat at the bus stop at 6:30 this morning and it was raining quietly with a very heavy fog over the entire area, and listening to Kid A on a pair of old headphones really just made things all that much better.